God sure does know everything about us. And that means He knows how to use what attracts us to bring us to HIM.
God caught my attention in the form of a 6’3″ tall glass of handsome. He is intelligent, calm, peaceful, protective, caring, gentle, and authoritative. AND, he is unbelievably attractive, too. The type of man I have always needed, but never once believed that I was “good enough” for.
After learning I was single, this tall glass named Jason began flirting with me. I would immediately blush, and run away…which I believe only made him chase me harder. Am I right, babe?
I can’t explain how I knew he was meant for me, but I just knew. It was an assurance I felt in my bones. There was no “talking” stage or “dating” for us. We had a couple conversations and that was it. It felt like finally being home, and knowing what home was.
Oh and, did I mention that I have been married twice before?
To women?
Yep. Women.
Moving on…
I didn’t know what a “backslidden” Christian was at the time, but that is what Jason was. He wasn’t living for God and hadn’t been for a while. But, his faith and love for the Lord were still unshakeable. His faith is the first thing that attracted me to Christ.
Day after Day, I watched this man be targeted, socially and administratively attacked, mocked, ridiculed, and slandered at our workplace. Yet, he still came into work every day with a dazzling smile on his face. He still poured love into his staff, despite our Union President constantly trying to tear him down and turn his staff against him.
“I don’t know how you do it,” I mentioned to him. “Walking in here every day with a new lie, a new rumor, a new way to discredit you and your ability to do your job.”
“Honestly, I just trust that God will handle it. He will protect me.” Jason told me.
That’s some impressive faith.
When Jason and I got together, we had the “expectations” conversation. One where you discuss things you won’t tolerate – no matter how obvious they may be.
“You’re sure it’s not going to bother you that I’m not religious….like at all?” I asked him. I had been Atheist for probably a decade or more. But through listening to me talk about my past, he could recognize the times God had tried calling me…I just hadn’t realized it.
But, he kept it to himself and said, “I don’t think it will bother me”, and gave God the reigns.
One of our first “Movie Nights” entailed him showing me the movie “The Case for Christ”. Lee Stroebel, an atheist journalist, sets out on a secret mission to disprove Christianity and disprove the existence of Jesus. During Stroebels’ research, he was told most atheists have “father wounds”.
I think my ears perked up like a bloodhound when I heard that line. Because…I was an atheist…. and I have “father wounds”. I felt more called out than ever before in my life. It’s almost as if God connected the dots before my eyes. (and my ears I suppose)
“I’d like to research that sometime,” I told Jason after the movie, “the connection between atheism and father wounds.”
I then began going to church with him on Sundays. It was extremely uncomfortable for the first few weeks. And I definitely struggled to find clothes that were appropriate to wear to church. But I did my best to start out with. I sat, listened, and tried to follow. Some things would stick out to me from time to time, but it was definitely a chore for the first month or so.
“Have you ever heard of people writing their prayers instead of praying in their head?” I asked Jason. “Because I cannot stay focused long enough to pray in my head.”
I know every fellow ADHD’er reading this knows exactly what I’m saying. You start off thanking God and next thing you know, you’ve split off into 17 different thought paths before you realize you were in the middle of a prayer before you lost focus.
So, Jason gave me Prayer Journal. I was no stranger to journaling, but this was a first….Journaling to God.
I didn’t even really know how to pray at first. So I just started journaling like normal. But it was like inviting God to listen if He wanted to.
After a week or two of writing prayers in my journal, I started seeing God speaking to me through “coincidences” that were just not realistically a coincidence.
Then, I started noticing how the sermon every Sunday seemed to be speaking to me or us directly.
Without realizing it, I had formed a relationship with God. And all I had done was start going to church (even though I was hesitant and uncomfortable the first few times), and started talking to God through journaling.
God began giving me “revelations” in my times of peaceful and quiet thinking.
He began showing me His presence when I asked for it.
He gave me so much confidence in Him that I couldn’t believe I had been an unbeliever for so long.
The real transformation started in me when I began reading His word every day…but that’s another post. (;
If you take anything away from my “God Story” just now that you can start a relationship with God no matter what stage you are at in life.
God WANTS us to have a relationship with Him. He created us. He is our Father. He loves us, and only wants what is best for us. Interestingly enough, HE is the only one who actually knows what is best for us. The quicker we realize that and accept that we are misguided by our deceptive heart…the better.
-Britney
